Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:03 Am I always this naked you mass. Well, of course not, but I do prefer to tell the naked truth. You see, I like it juicy wrong and uncensored the truth that is so you may wonder why do I sing? And that's funny, some people would say to me and my idea, Hey, why do you sing? You sound terrible, or you sound immature. You should take classes. Or why do you sing? You won't get anywhere. And it's funny, the length of the length that people will take to message you on solicitated to tell you what they think about what you do in your personal life. That has nothing to do with them. I am very grateful that I love myself and I like myself so much that I do not care what anyone thinks about my music or my art. Unless of course, if they're going to give me some constructive feedback, but feedback that are destructive saying I'm bad or this and that, that doesn't tell you anything, how to improve.
Speaker 0 00:01:21 I don't care for, and why do I sing? Because why should I not sing? God gives me a voice then he or the universe, whatever you believe in. So therefore I don't need anyone's permission to sing example, you sing in the shower or you see why you're doing your chores. And we hum and we sing and we do. We clap our hands. We whistle and why not? Do we need to ask permission to do those things? And why do we need people as validations in order to do those things? You can ask yourself that question. And I am here to inspire you. If you had had the same similar situation where you wanted to sing and you felt like you were in good enough cities, who said the people outside of you. Okay. Do you think so as well? If you think so as well.
Speaker 0 00:02:21 Okay, fine. You can take classes. You can improve. However, if you do not want to improve, if you don't feel like you need to and you can sing anyway, I say, go for it. Because guess what I am saying, I will not take anyone's negative feedback are saying, oh, you can't sing. Her is terrible. Why I work hard and pay for my own singing equipments. I've worked hard to get a producer. And I worked hard. We might time and money, sweat and tears and fighting to do this. So will I go and get people's validation? No, of course someone might say while you're on YouTube and you're on Instagram and Facebook and yada yada it, and to get validation. Yes. As a human being, yes, we don't need validation or we don't need to be seen in this or that.
Speaker 0 00:03:29 You could say needle one time ever. It's just a human thing to do something and say, Hey, show Intel. However, if that show Intel breaks you or makes you because of other people's validation, then you need to look deep down inside of you to ask the question. As prepared as previous episode, who are you is who you are based on people's validation of you is who you are, will base based off people. Will that make your character, will that make your emotions are not my favorite guru. One of my favorite goal, Wayne Dyer. I love him so much. Thank you, Wayne Dyer. He says not exactly quoting. Is there something like, first of all, he said, do not die with the song still remains inside of you.
Speaker 0 00:04:33 And it's not only I've asked singing about a lot of things, which means your art and what you aspire to be in life to do as well. Also another quote of him, he says something like do not shine or be happy with the good opinions of others. Meaning that if others give you their good opinion and you like about it, okay, fine. But do not let that be who you are. Do not let that be. The reason you do something because the same people or different people, usually the same people who will collaborate today will ask for your heads tomorrow. So someone's clapping you today and you like about it. And if they say, oh, you did suck, or you're going to hang yourself or are you going to be depressed because they didn't validate you that week or that day. So therefore you have to know who you are and your purpose of why you do something and your goal.
Speaker 0 00:05:37 So why do I sing? I sing because I've always wanted to sing. I've seen because I want to sing and why not? I sing because it makes me happy. I sing because I like, I love writing lyrics. I love writing poems. I love writing novels altogether. I have made a books. People get ready for my books and my stories. So primarily I started singing January or February, 2021 because in August, which will be part of my podcast about this story in August, 2020, I fell in love or you could call it. I felt in trauma bond with someone unexpectedly. And it was hard on me. And as meeting people, you could say that had one hit albums or they had a great Kosygin career is because someone broke the heart and is very powerful. And it was that. But I am very grateful about anything that happens in life, because if I'm going to cry about it, of course crying is fine.
Speaker 0 00:07:02 There's nothing wrong crying. But however, if I'm going to cry about it all my life and be in sorrow, then I will not see the bigger picture of the growth. So singing had helped me in a therapeutic way and it also had brought joy. So let's talk about the songs that I've sung. The first song that I've sung in rope was real eyes and all this music that I've made and all this song that I've sung or re lives that I've written. They're all my favorites. However, my most favorite whoosh w today is the 6th of October, but I will pose this next week probably. And my wonderful friend Abraham show path, which he is my producer. We dropped the song last week on today's what Monday? That's it. As that one says Tuesday on, I don't remember on Friday. And I say, we dropped it and I made the video for it. It is my most favorite song thus far, that song it's called trauma bond based on my experience, but my favorite, another favorite of my childhood buddies, my number one favorite so far, mine is real eyes. So it goes real eyes realize, realize, so what I'll do is I will play the song for you.
Speaker 0 00:08:49 Then I'll come back,
Speaker 1 00:09:06 Uh, real, uh, uh, to see it and believe it. Then, you know, you be, uh, you have to wish the universe be meditates and do a good be in touch and you'll sing Wade. The <inaudible> that intuition is a real surreal to see it and believe it, then, you know, you be, uh, uh, should I see your heart? And you'll do great. <inaudible> Got to do is that <inaudible> factor of all
Speaker 0 00:12:25 Really a second. Uh, so as a song goes real nice, real, uh, real, uh, real, ah, guys, real, uh, uh, all you gotta do is see it, trust your gut and boom, leave it. Then, you know, you be raw. I read you have intuition. You <inaudible>, that you would averse sees through <inaudible> meditate. 10, you get through this, be in touch annual St. Quid at the pioneer. I is your true, ah, ah, hi, you know how the song goes. So are you hearing and reading those lyrics? So I wrote the song because through my relationship I had, you could call the wrist ship or not. And the person watching this, if he's watching this, he might say, Hey, I was not really sure with you, but anyway, our perception of life, right? So I was in relationship with this person who, by the way, lived in the same apartment with me from August, till when he left basically in June, but he didn't live here two months prior to June.
Speaker 0 00:14:19 So let's say April or may was the last time I kind of saw him, but we broke up since August and where we were in a narcissistic toxic relationship. Actually I wrote the song in February. So yeah. So earlier on in the month that followed, I wrote the song. However, the melody came to me through my dreams, often dream, a lot of melodies and, and storylines and TV shows, et cetera, that just come in in my hand side, either we'll write it down or I will say it in audio. So I had the melody prior to that, but then the, the lyrics came in. So I said, oh, I'm gonna write a song. That's his real eyes realize real lies. And of course those words were probably written from somebody before, of course, but the whole lyrics is original. And the Melody's original beside my producer.
Speaker 0 00:15:32 He brings show path. We collaborated together to make it a better song for you to hear, hope you like it. And so a theme of mine as well, every most year that I've had have a theme. And one of the theme of 2016, I believe was intuition for me. And by the way, 2020 theme for me is no shame, no judgments, no guilt for me and for others. I think there's a fourth, but that's the primary three. So anyway, so you ever intuition? So I had intuitive intuition of what the guy who would the guy choose to be and what he does based on what he tells me about his past and how he behaves around me and what he says and what he talks about. Like Maya Angelou says, when someone tells you who you are listen, so people will show you by the character and what they say and how they treat others and I've saw it. So I saw it and I did tuition and I knew what I was getting into. However, I wanted to experiment something, which I did not experiment. I experimented not fully, but I wanted to experience fully a hundred percent with this guy. I say, how, how about if I get involved with this person and be hundred percent, give him unconditional love, do, sorry. I'm just having goosebumps. And it's like, coming back, I give this person unconditional love and I was ready and willing to do that.
Speaker 0 00:17:44 Why, because I was at a point where I have, and I had unconditional love for myself. And you know, when they say, you don't know how it is until you cross that bridge talk can be talk, but walk is walk your talk, like they say, and talk his BS. And so when I was able to give him unconditional love is because I give myself unconditional love. However said later on, when I stayed in the unhealthy relationship, I was not loving myself. I can say, and we proof that anything that you do, you need to keep doing it. You need to keep loving yourself. You need to get, keep working on your character. You need to do anything every day. Just like if you had AOL, that's an everyday thing that you're doing. And if you, one day you wake up and say, I'm tired of being an a-hole.
Speaker 0 00:18:51 That's a progression of being stopped being at Hale hole. So anything is progression. And if anything that you do or I do is in everyday thing, just like brushing your teeth let's you can showers or eating. You can, you can stop of course, but eventually you need to keep going. And so it's the same as character building. So my real eyes intuition in my third, I realized the real lies of this person. And also I wrote the song for me as well. And I'm not one to gossip or bashing people. I would just tell the facts. And I may talk about a perceived character trait of a person. However, I do believe that who someone is, is beside the character. She sends you for that weekend. See however, who someone is, who their core is, their spirit. And that's pure love period. And that's who I am. And that's how I believe everyone is like mother tourist. I would say, when someone asks her, how do you treat people? So well, she responded because I see Jesus in everyone. I see everyone as Jesus. So therefore I see everyone as pure, beautiful light. Even as a lady, if you're watching this or by Coker has been watching this, they know who I'm talking about.
Speaker 0 00:20:14 Again, I do not like to give people bad character. However, is just packed. How she treats me. She bullies me. She harasses me and I do forgive me. I do not see her as a good or kind person. And I think she probably is suffering. Definitely she's suffering because if she was happy, she would treat us. We're happy. Well, so even with her, when I work with her, I respect her. If you watching this, I respect you. Although you have not earned the respect, I do respect to you. And I do not believe that respect is need to be earned. I do believe that every being on this planet, especially alive is deserving of respect, kindness, empathy, compassion, and love. Dustin, my decision, if I believe in and I'm sticking to it is so prerogative. If you believe differently and wants to do differently. And as much as I would like to label her as terrible, I do not treat her terribly. And I do not think of her terribly. If anything, I feel PDs, sadness, but even then that's part of ego. And I don't want to have that. So I just basically want to have blank because thinking about her is not the greatest because she doesn't treat me well. And, and I'm very glad and grateful that I did not give her fire that she gives me. So I'm very grateful for that of my character.
Speaker 0 00:21:58 So, yeah, so this is why staying real eyes realized, realized we need to practice our intuition. We need to not second. Guess our intuition. I read a quote, a quote that says intuition doesn't need rhyme and reason. If you feel it in your gut, do it. And you may not know why, but you will know why I have hindsight. You will know why later and knowing why is that your business? Just do it. Just do it, endorse me something. I don't know. And so in my guru, Dr. Wayne Dyer, he also said that prayer or meditation is you speaking to a God. If you believe in God own universe, whatever, he, by the way, none of this stuff is spiritual or religious. It's just life. People is just like, I don't really like using the word spiritual, but I'll use it for talking point to hers, but it's just life.
Speaker 0 00:23:05 If you really look at it, it's just life. So, but w Dr. Wayne Dyer would say, prayer is you talking to God in intuition, is God speaking back to you? Oh God, it feels so good. So this is why I wrote you realize. So the second song that I wrote is in your heart. And I probably wrote changes as well, but I think produce was in your heart. So I were in your heart because the person that I was in love with, and we had, he may, I was not in love with you. That's fine. I was in love with him, but I know even if you may decline that the second part, we had trauma bond, and even he denies it or not. We had trauma bond. He might deny us, him being in love with me that I do not know. And I cannot testify him, but we've had trauma bond.
Speaker 0 00:24:09 So the second song I wrote was in your heart is because it goes, even when you are alone, even when you are amongst your best friends in your heart, in your heart, in your mind, in your mind, yessing, you're still in your soul. Or even when you are around the people that you haven't made friends yet in your heart, in your heart, in your mind, in your mind, yessing your soul in your soul, always do your best. Always love yourself. Well, I don't remember all the lyrics and Iceland the song, but here's a song. You can hear it. Now,
Speaker 1 00:25:19 When you are amongst the best friend, the heart and your heart in your mind, in your mind, your soul and your soul that you have in your heart, in heart, in your mind, in your mind, your soul always be, oh, <inaudible>, There was never a need for shame. There is a need
Speaker 1 00:26:29 In your heart, in your heart, in your mind, your soul and your soul to feel you have G me, family, friends, and strangers. You must muster and Joyce and word everyone. You be part two of you N is. And next to Shane of, you know, with that, we'll give you the boat to share the love, your heart and your heart and your mind in your mind. Even when you tend to feel alone. <inaudible> if you actually close your eyes, take a deep breath. You will feel everyone's heartbeat. Hence you'll read them because we all have the same heart in your heart. Your mind, your soul in your soul, always be yourself, always do your best. Then there is never a need for having <inaudible>. There is never a need for a judgment for yourself in your heart, in your mind, your mind in your soul, in your mind, in your soul. Yeah. So in your heart, basically, I wrote it for me, of course it for him. So basically I'm saying that even when you were around others, even when you alone, always love yourself, always do your best. Always be confident, always try for clarity. Although my
Speaker 0 00:29:41 Other group saw guru and I must call him, he would say five for clarity, instead of confidence. And you can watch his videos and, and go on his podcast. He's a life-changer for me. And I'm very grateful foresight, guru he's that guru. And so I also invite you to follow him if you wish can, because he has helped me a lot in my journey, in my growth journey. So he talks about how belief is not a fan of belief in and confidence. Although those are words that we can use. However, clarity is better as you mentioned. So that's, so that's what in your heart talks about. Talk clarity to be in your heart and to not let others shake you. So basically the songs that I sing is for me in my ex lover, and as much as I feel like he brought me to hell and back, he also brought me to paradise and I cannot bad mouth him at all.
Speaker 0 00:30:52 And I'm very, and I think is because I am very grateful and blessed and I'm blessed for the situation. Although situation was very hard on me. I experienced depression for the very first time in my life, and I used to not understand depression. And as I say again, wants to cross that bridge, you know? So once you walk them out in my shoes, Britney says, yeah, he, emotions are coming up again. Um, I'm very grateful for you if you're watching this and I know hurt people, hurt people. And I know that it was also my fault being in the relationship with you, although relationships for Westerners is all about sex or intimacy or being in closer proximity relationship is anything with anybody, any living beings. So that's the word relationship. And no, we did not have intercourse, but we had an intimate relationship. And again, it was an experiment for me to see how far I could go.
Speaker 0 00:32:05 And it was beautiful. And I was in paradise and I was grateful. And having a heart broken with rejection was later on, was really hard of course, with anybody. And I grew a lot because of that. I had to practice things that I was yapping yapping about within myself into others. So I had to put them into action and I'm glad that I overcame. And I think it totally helped a lot that key moved out of the apartment because I don't have to see him. And I have his energy around me anymore. And it was good because then I could have closure in overcome the hurt because he tells me good stuff, but his actions spoke differently. So he would tell me of love, but his action was not of love, which reminds him on one of my favorite song that says Mol <inaudible> <inaudible> <inaudible> it was just sweet. Cool to <inaudible>.
Speaker 0 00:33:29 I killed that song right there. Uh, but it's by past practice set because she know that song, you know what I'm talking about, or if you know, <inaudible>, Hey, that's just the cast. If you watch him miss holla, how about your boy? You're my favorite. And that's something my favorite as well. Yeah. So in your heart anyway, let's move on. So I wrote changes our changes. Again, the melodies were from my dreams prior to 2020, and I work changes because the person that we were in love with that we had relationship with. I said, we are there for first son. Uh, so he, he and I, and he, and his psychiatrist, he was saying, diagnosed them with bipolar and borderline personality and narcissists, um, in a month, other things depressed and et cetera. But I think, and I believe that all these diagnosis, they either real or not, I feel that he wanted reasons to be certain things so could, so he could excuse why he behaved the way he behaved.
Speaker 0 00:34:57 But that's another story and not a judgment or condemnation condemn him is just, you know, conversation and talking. And by the way, we had this conversation here and I, and so I wrote changes because one time he came to me to tell me, Hey, I think you resent me and you giving me a bad vibe, et cetera. So he was making up stories in his head. So he lumped love on me, bond me. Like I forget her name, Dr. Romany. I love her. And I watch on YouTube a lot. And she talks about hat that how will love bomb you? And then they'll reject you because either they have rejection issues where they have to reject you first, before you reject them. So that's what he would do. And it was crazy. We had prison relationship. And so when you were saying, Hey, I think so, he would love bomb me and reject me not talking to me while in the apartment, but then giving me settle hands that he still wants to be with me.
Speaker 0 00:36:06 And then I wasn't love, or I was in trauma bond. And I let that happen amongst with my experiment as well. And so when he told me that I was like, wait a minute, those things are not what I'm feeling exactly. So we usually talk for hours. So we talked, we spoke for like three hours and a half just so I can make him feel better. And then I realized after I watch a lot of videos from Dr. Romney, and I was like, wait a minute, this guy is doing narcicisstic stuff. And he's trilling me along. And I was letting him, I was letting him because I was crazy. Yo like crazy and ridiculous, but I experienced it this one time in my life. Like they say, hashtag never again. We'll see. But I'm determined to learn that it's and get experience in that experiment and never again, hashtag so, so I think in, uh, changes goes like way and you'll Klein. You can change a lot when you will love it. You will change a lot, be more present, be more grateful and, and truth. You will change a lot. Something, something I don't even remember right now, but
Speaker 4 00:37:55 And July when <inaudible> is a lost <inaudible> and change a lot of things <inaudible>,
Speaker 3 00:38:31 Uh,
Speaker 4 00:38:34 With,
Speaker 3 00:39:14 Uh,
Speaker 4 00:39:17 <inaudible> July <inaudible>.
Speaker 3 00:39:58 Uh,
Speaker 0 00:40:22 So basically the song is about to remind myself when you're kind, when you're loving, when you were, this do not have judgment, do not have shame, do not have guilt, resentment, and do not for yourself and for others. So that's what the song is about because he inspired me to write the song. And as anyone who texts with me knows that my signature in my text messages love pieces in because short story, I had this signature in my phone because I was in a relationship with a boyfriend of mine that we also live together. And he would often want to argue on text messages, even when he's in the same house, instead of talking to me. So I fell into the trap of arguing and be, have equal fights. Any one day I woke up, I was like, no, this is not who I am.
Speaker 0 00:41:24 I am loving, loving person. I'm very peaceful person. And I am Zen and I'm calm and I will not get into ego tips. So I put love peace in, in my signature. For those of you who may have asked until there's a reason why to check myself, if I feel any ego. So that's like an ego check. If I feel any way that I want to bad mouth, someone gossip or say anything ill about somebody or to someone through a text messages, especially is checking myself to not do those things. And I'm grateful that I it's like it's like a practice, a mantra, and hopefully to inspire that person who's re reading it to also be love, peace ends in, but that's the prerogative. If they don't want to, to don't have to, because I'm not texts on people. And then they come, they come back at me with hate words and that was their prerogative. But my prerogative is to always be love, peace and Zen. And so this is why I wrote changes in my fourth song that dropped a week ago. October 1st is trauma bond. My favorite songs thus far.
Speaker 1 00:43:20 Beautiful. Nice to meet you. Have you had the full, you actually thought this would last forever. Blinded by love. This is <inaudible> Thailand or me too. Or It's like Rick said with you, when I think that I'm safe, it's only a Mirage. Why have you freed up a purist? That's you asked me Here we go. Promise to never fall. <inaudible> like a lost child, desperate
Speaker 1 00:45:10 And when will this end
Speaker 1 00:45:21 Ah,
Speaker 1 00:45:39 Uh,
Speaker 1 00:45:55 To get out of this car. We cry on the nights. We're both insane, crazy insane.
Speaker 1 00:46:44 John Bond.
Speaker 0 00:46:57 My relationship I had with the person and I will not name names, but for contacts, I call him <inaudible> I love the name Rollo, and that was my nickname for him. But no one knows that I called him righto. So only him who was watching this without names he wouldn't know anyway, and me calling him Reidel he will know, and that's fine. I'm not judging anybody. You just, what happened, what happened? And so, so trauma bond is about our relationship part of our relationship, what happened and basically crying about it. And again, there we go. So this is why I sing a song in some musical theater in the past. And of course I sing in shows, but now I'm doing my own project. This is 2020. Thank you, 2020. And that's my own personal life. And of course, 2020 may have been bad for you. But for me, if I choose life is what you make it. I could have stayed one 20 is bad for me as well, but I choose for 2020 to be awesome and good for me. And I'm very grateful for 2020, it brought so much growth and blessing onto me. Although those growth and blessing could seem like for other people as terrible things that happen. But I do not see life that way. And that's my prerogative.
